i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
