I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
