there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
