Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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