I want to walk on stilts...naked
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Randomize
