apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
