You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
