Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
