Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
