First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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