saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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