And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
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