Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
