Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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