My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
