If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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