Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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