new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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