why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
