i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Fuck appropriateness.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
