South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
