I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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