I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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