Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
