does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
