I hope mine doesn't look like that
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
