I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
