I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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