my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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