That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Randomize
