just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
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