Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
