U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
