As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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