Where are you?
In a non slutty way
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I think im going to throw up on grandma
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
