Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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