my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
