the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Found your dick twin last night
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
