I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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