I hate all girls vehemently.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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