hotel room ftw
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
