its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
