last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
