you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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