I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
