Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
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I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
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Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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