I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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