why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
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I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
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