yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
