I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
