It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
