I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you will always have a special place in my vag
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
