I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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