apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize