I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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