I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
