Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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