hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
