He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
