I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
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you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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