It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
