ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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